Batman Porn Story: Whos Using Who Chapter 1

Penguin
tapped his fingers on the dirty counter. He truly hated waiting.
Cobblepots should be served promptly and without any waiting. He
sighed in exasperation before yelling Whats taking so long?!

Jesus,
man. Give me a minute. The cook answered just as angrily. A few
moments later, he came out with a large cardboard pizza box which he
set down in front of Penguin. Penguin handed the guy the money and,
as soon as the mans back turned to the register, he emptied the
tip jar into his pants pocket. He took his change and the box before
heading towards the door.

Oz!
The cook said I have kids to feed! He stated, holding the empty
tip jar.

What?
They dont like pizza? Oswald laughed before leaving. Outside
the pizzeria, Oswald Cobblepot opened the box and pulled out a slice
before he started heading to his new hideout.

Not
that anyone cared, but life as a villain in Gotham City wasnt
easy. Well, not as easy as most of the working-class people had it.
Not only was it hard to get out of Prison or Arkham, they had to
avoid not only cops and stick to the Narrows, a part of Gotham
infamous as the criminals side of town, but most of all they
needed to avoid the masked Batman. Batman didnt wear a police
uniform nor did his car announce all in its wake with a siren. No,
he hid in the shadows and have a habit of know exactly where someone
was breaking the law.

Penguin
finished his piece, throwing the crust to the ground for the birds to
eat, and pulled out another slice when a gang of five men on
motorcycles zoomed by. He didnt think twice until a sixth cycle
came and the rider snatched Penguins pizza slice out of his hand.

What?!
Penguin reached into his coat pocket and attached a grenade shaped
like a birds head to the end of his umbrella and took aim when he
heard a motor pull up next to him. It was a woman with raven black
hair in a ponytail on a gold and black motorcycle.

Sorry
bout Bart. She said, leaning over the handlebars. He does
that for the thrill. She was very thin in a white shirt imprinted
with skulls and black pants with two belts filled with pockets slung
around her waist. The right half of her face was covered in her long
bangs. Whatcha got there? She innocently asked, smiling.

Uh…
Penguin looked to see the thief was long gone. He took the small
missile off and stuffed it in his pocket Nothing. He grumbled

Oh.
The woman said, somehow disappointed as she looked down the street
behind her. Need a ride? She scooted closer to her handlebars
and patted the back seat. I need a break from those idiots
anyway.

No.
Penguin stated I can walk. He muttered before walking away down
the sidewalk. The woman stood still in surprise before kicking up her
kick stand and slowly following the man on her bike.

Names
Scarlet, by the way. She said And yours?

Oswald.
Penguin answered. I said I can walk. he said, getting
irritated.

Say,
havent I see you on TV? Scarlet asked.

Maybe.
Why?

Scarlet
revved the bike and rode on the sidewalk in Penguins path before
braking, cutting off the mans route. Youre the Penguin,
arent you? Penguin raised his umbrella and, with the press of a
button, the tip retracted and a knife blade sprang out.

And?
He asked, keeping the blade prepared in an attack position.

Scarlet
put her chin on the handles and let her arms hang down at her sides.
Clearly, the wanted criminal holding a knife didnt scare her And?
And… I caught that rant you made about vampires on the tube a few
weeks ago. And Im glad someone else knows the truth.

Penguin
cautiously lowered the knife, if only out of disbelief. He looked at
her for a few moments before saying You believe me? You really
think I saw vampires in the cemetery?

What
better place to find the undead, am I right? she shrugged. Wanna
ride with me now?

Yo,
Boss! A man shouted. It was one of the men from the bike gang that
both Scarlet and Penguin thought had left a long time ago. Ya
coming or what?!

Ill
get there when I get there!
Scarlet shouted down the street. The man shrugged and got back on his
bike before leading the other riders away. She sighed and looked away
in disgust Why cant they ever think for themselves?

If
you hate em, dump em. Penguin suggested, putting his
umbrella over his shoulder but not retracing the blade. Not yet.

What?
Scarlet gasped, sitting up in fake shock A woman like me alone in
Gotham City? Oh, however would I survive? She swooned,
dramatically putting the back of her hand on her forehead as if she
was about to faint. Then she smirked. In a flash, she pulled out a
small handgun from her pants pocket and spun it in her hand. After a
few turns, she slid it back in her pocket and said You sure you
dont need a ride?

What?
Penguin said, mimicking her fake shock A woman like you seen with
a insane criminal like me? He stepped behind her bike and
walked around it. What would the girls at your book club say?
He rhetorically asked before continuing his journey home.

Scarlet
didnt move after him. She simply said What makes you think I
think youre insane? Penguin stopped and turned around. Scarlet
was still against the handlebars of her bike, smiling a sly smile.
Penguin dropped the pizza box and walked back over to her.

You
think Im not insane? He asked Why? he demanded

She
scoffed Like people dont want to hold Gotham hostage at some
point in their lives. Look, to me, the insane people are the ones
that wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner and go to bed for 40
years. She said I cant stand that kind of… dullness. I
think youre much more interesting then anyone, and they call you
insane because you do want they want to do but are to scared to.

Youre
just saying that.

Theyre
just saying youre insane, but that hasnt stopped ya. Scarlet
laughed Now, you wanna come to my house for dinner?

I
got my dinner already. Penguin stated

Actually,
you got your dinner stolen. the woman pointed as where Penguin had
dropped his pizza to show it had vanished.

`Gah!
Dammit! he squawked I actually paid for it this time! he
yelled. Scarlet patted him on the shoulder and scooted closer to her
handlebars.

Wanna
ride? She asked again.

Penguin
sighed. She was persistent, hed give her that, but why? Of course,
hed never be one to turn away free food. Whats for dinner?
he asked

Steaks,
potatoes, the whole shebang. Scarlet answered as Penguin climbed
on the bike.

Just
dont try anything. He warned.

Me?
She asked revving her bike Pick a fight with one of Gothams
most feared criminals? What would those girls in my book club say?
She smirked before taking off down the street faster then legally
allowed.

So,
where do ya live? Penguin asked, for the sake of conversation.
Around here?

In
the Narrows? No. I live on the west side, just a dozen or so blocks
from Arkham.

Why
live so close to that God forsaken place?

Like
the Narrows are any safer! Scarlet pointed out. Actually it was
the only area in the city open for building that was big enough for
my house plans.

Youre
rich? Penguin asked.

Monetary
wise, yes. Some think I have too much money for a girl like me. Hell,
even I think I have too much money!

This
could be the easiest job Oswald Cobblepot could ever hope to pull. A
lonely rich beautiful woman was taking him, the feared Penguin, to
her home for dinner. The gun she kept was concerning, but all he
could think of was the gold and jewelry she must have. Piles of money
she must keep in her vault. The priceless heirlooms she probably
possessed. He could easily take her in Hand-to-Hand fighting.

Or…

Or he
could charm his way into her fortune. She seemed to like him and she
herself was fairly tolerable. Why steal the jewels when she could
give them to him? Hell, why have her give them to him when, in
marriage, all she owned would be his? A gorgeous woman at his side, a
giant mansion, and a vast amounts of wealth. He could rebuilt his
family fortune and restore the Cobblepot honor in just one I do.

Penguin
grinned at these thoughts. It was nearly too easy and, best of all,
completely Batman-Proof. Only the sudden twists and turns Scarlet
made with her bike to swerve around traffic, ever took his mind off
the money.

Well,
Viola!
Scarlet suddenly said. Penguin looked up and saw the bike pass
through a gate made of two oversized lion statues facing each other,
mirroring each other in a battle frozen in time. Even the lighting
bolt-like scar under neath their left eyes were identical.

The
lion statues lined the driveway all the way up to the sprawling
mansion that was at least four stories tall. All this is yours?
Penguin asked in disbelief

Yup.
She answered as she slowed the bike down in front of the front doors
where a man in a black sweater and khaki colored pants. Its
really weird. I have so much money and yet… I dont really care
about it. She got off the bike and said Hey, J. as she gave
the man a half-hearted wave. I hope you can set another place at
the table tonight. she continued as the man came forward.

Master,
He said in shock Is.. Is that… T-The P-Penguin?

Do
you have a problem with that? Penguin asked, pretending to be
trying not to scare him. The man looked up at Scarlet who shrugged
and smiled.

N…
No, sir. He stuttered. I-Im J-J–

Hes
Julian. Scarlet answered. Hes been my servant and
housekeeper for, oh, what? She asked herself more than anyone Ten
years? she guessed

Thirteen
years, Master. He corrected with a bow towards the woman.

Right.
She muttered. Well, Im hungry. Lets eat! She said walking
into the house

Right
this way, sir. Julian bowed and followed Scarlet.

This
day just keeps getting better and better. Penguin told himself.

Inside
the mansion was much different then the outside. Behind clear glass
cases were original war uniforms and helmets, bulky old time gas
masks and propaganda posters of past dictators. It made Penguin
question how much about herself the woman revealed to him. The butler
seemed to sense this.

Master
was once in the military. He explained without waiting for Penguin
to ask. Even though the experience wasnt pleasant, she
continues to marvel at past wars and the numerous ways Man has
invented to kill one another.

Really?
He asked How old is she?

23.
Julian quickly answered.

And
she was in the military when? Penguin asked. He asked solely to
cover the disappointment that nothing of real value was in sight.

Um…
Julian hesitated.

Kovu!
Drop it! Scarlet yelled. Julian ran up to a arch that lead to a
new room and gasped. Penguin took his time getting there and once he
saw who Kovu was, he let out a yell. Scarlet was pulling an old
army jacket out of the teeth of a red-ish brown colored full grown
lion with a large black mane. The woman let out a growl and dropped
the coat before wrapping her arms around the lions head and prying
the animals jaw open long enough of the coat to fall to the
ground.

Damn
it, Kovu! Scarlet yelled as she picked up the torn coat. Whyd
you do this to me?! The Lion gave a snarling roar before growling.
I dont care which
of your mates was in labor! Its Mommys memorabilia. Kovu
grunted before turning around and curling up on the large sofa in the
large living room.

Fix
that up, will ya? Scarlet said, handing Julian the torn jacket.

Yes,
Master.

Sorry
bout that, Penguin. She kindly said.

No
problem. Penguin answered. But call me Ozzy. I insist.

Ooh,
I like the sound of that! Ozzy! She laughed. When she started
walking back down the hall, Ozzy followed. What were we talking
about? She asked.

This
mansion. Ozzy answered. I was wondering how one woman can
afford such a big manor.

Oh,
I got tons of sources. She answered Most of which are illegal,
of course. But my legal income is from a popular restaurant chain.
Youve hear of the Savanna Lounge?

Those
clubs designed around African themes? Ozzy asked Yeah. Youre
the owner?

Founder.
Owner. Majority stock holder.

You
must be worth quiet a pretty penny. Ozzy mentioned. Are you
single?

Scarlet
laughed out loud, confusing Penguin for a moment. I wouldnt
need The Lounge if I had a nickel for every time I hear that…

Hey,
Boss!

Scarlets
good mood was ruined as a group of five muscled men came up to her.
Uh-oh, posse problems. Stay behind me. She told Penguin,
pushing him behind her as she walked towards the angry group. Ugh,
what is it this
time? She moaned.

We
got a bone to pick with you! The brown haired man said loudly.

A
Teen with black hair held his arm in front of the first man. He
muttered Hounder, Ill handle this. The brunet stepped back
and the boy stepped up to Scarlet Scar, were getting sick of
waiting for you! The teen simply wore a black hoodie sweater with
jeans.

Well,
Penguin thought, no better way to pick up a woman then when her
boyfriends dump her.

Yeah!
Hounder said Its been dinner time for an hour now, and we aint
got no stinkin ntrees!

Scarlet
sighed and grabbed Ozzys shoulder to lead him into the dinning
room Its Julians job to do the cooking. Idiots. She told
them.

Yeah,
but he wont cook until you get home. A messy-looking, red
headed man answered in a whine.

Zu
treu, Narbe.
The Blond one said in a German accent.

And
your hunger is my problem how? Scarlet asked, shooing her guest
into the dinning room. Besides, Im home now, ok? She closed
the door behind Penguin so the argument could continue without him
knowing.

Now
the dinning room was exactly was Penguin was looking for. A large
open room with a huge polished wooden table in the center surrounded
by mediaeval armor suit standing at attention. Tall, red velvet chair
that looked more like wooden thrones surrounded the table that looked
like it could serve a banquet with room to spare.

Each
wall was covered in a magnificent tapestry, each depicting a
different animal kingdom. For Mammals, a golden lion with a glorious
mane was shown standing on a tall rock with female lionesses by his
side, set against a royal red backdrop. Reptiles were depicted with a
large crocodile, mouth open as it sat on the river back, waiting for
weak prey set against a dark green lining. Insects, against a light
blue sky, had a close up view of a tarantula with venom dripping from
its long fangs. And Last, but in Penguins view, not at all in
the least, sown in the fabric was a bald eagle, talons sharpened and
ready to kill, swooping down on an unseen victim on a harsh yellow
border.

The
heavy wooden doors opened and slammed back closed with Scarlet now in
the room. Sons of bitches. She muttered before seeing what her
guest was looking at. $50,000 for that. She said.

Its
a wonderful eagle. Ozzy agreed.

You
like birds? Scarlet asked, taking a seat at the table.

I
dont go calling myself Penguin because I really liked the
movie Happy Feet. Ozzy said, looking back up at the
tapestry.

I
always thought you just like wearing the suit. She shrugged. That
bowties so cute on you.

You
think? Ozzy asked, tugging on the tip of the bowtie and holding
his head high. Mama Cobblepot always said I was so handsome in
formal.

Shes
right. You have the kind of face thats always best fit in formal.
Scarlet said. You know? I think we forgot something.

Huh?

I
remember! I invited you to dinner and its already 8:30. And poor
Pengy has to sleep in the Narrows, or worse, has to walk through them
all alone. She ended with fake concern in her voice.

I
can take care of myself, you know. Ozzy said, idly twirling his
umbrella in his hand.

Yeah,
but I wanna make it up to ya. Say… Savanna Lounge at 6:00? My
treat.

What!?
So the cops can drag me back to Arkham? No way! Penguin yelled
shaking his head No. I can barely show my face around town
as it is! Scarlet crossed one leg over the other and leaned back
in her chair with her normal sly smile.

This
town! Penguin continued They dont know what Ive had to
put up with! What Ive been through! I tried being normal! I tried
being good! It was years ago but I did my best! He stuck his
umbrellas point in Scarlets face for emphasis. The woman was
unfazed by the ranting man, waving a knife in her face. In fact, she
seemed to being enjoying the episode.

Let
me guess. Scarlet said, sounding ever so slightly amused. Not
only was your best not good enough, but everyone treated you like an
animal because of how you act– I mean, looked. No one gets to choose
how we look. Scarlet pulled out a chair next to her and turned it
around for Penguin to sit down on instead of pacing like he was.

Why
do you sound so hardcore about this? Penguin asked You holding
out on me? What?

You
dont need to know. Scarlet stated sternly. She got out of her
seat and turned to the Lion tapestry with her hands behind her back.

Uh,
are you always this weird or are you just trying to make yourself
interesting to me? Ozzy asked, walking up to her side. When she
didnt answer, he looked at the tapestry to see what intrigued her
so much. You are so weird. He stated.

Scarlet
knelt down and turned Penguins head towards hers.You have no
idea She smirked before getting up, leaving the man slightly
baffled. You see, your TV Vampire rant made me interested in you.
Scarlet smiled as she looked down to Penguin A fellow outcast like
me, despised by a world that doesnt understand us.

Youre
preaching to the choir, honey. Penguin interrupted No need to
explain that to me. But howd a pretty face like yours become
hated?

I
got into gangs and mobs and stuff. If youre not making enemies in
that line of work, youre not doing your job right. Luckily, Im
kind of a thrill seeker She added a laugh. Anyway, I took a few
good looks at ya and thought What could be more dangerous then
working with the Penguin and driving the police force up the wall
while balancing a secret identity while running a large powerful
business?.

You
annoyed me and cost me my pizza just so we could team up? Penguin
asked Why didnt you just ask?

It
wouldnt have been as much fun. She shrugged

.
Well, First up, little lady, is wed gotta have a plan and a
goal.

Already
got one! Theres a solid gold Aztec hawk statue in the Art museum I
know a bird-lover like you would loved. I bring my two bodyguards and
while Batmans distracted, we ditch em and take the statue.

Batman
can take on a whole gang at once. Penguin said sitting down in the
red velvet chair . Whats two more men to him?

Youre
just gonna have to trust me. Scarlet offered her hand Partners?

Penguin
had to think. So, a very rich maffia broad was asking him to help
steal something HE wanted and, mostly likely could steal himself. The
fortune was tempting, but was it worth putting trust in someone he
barely knew? Youre gonna need a disguise. he answered.

Just
one? She asked.

Penguin
got out of the chair and took her hand in a shake. I assume you
have a plan. He said.

Meet
me at the Art museum tomorrow at 8 P.M. She answered You bring
what you need and Ill bring the muscle. Ok?

Right.
Oswald said, hoping he didnt sound to sarcastic. Ta-ta. He
wave half-heartedly as he turned to leave. Scarlets posse of
strong men were leaning against the door, not hiding their dislike of
the short man as they watched him leave. They even slammed the
dinning room doors behind him. Idiots. He chuckled. He knew the
woman had left her motorcycles keys in the ignition.

—

Are
you ok, Boss? A man with short, messy, black hair asked, coming
closer to Scarlet. Youre acting kinda weird. The man was in
a red shirt with a black beaten up vest over it. His left eye was
covered with an eye patch with a long stitched under his right red
eye

Yes,
I am. She answered The key word being Acting.

Uh…

Scarlet
sighed and sat on the tables edge. My charade has worked
perfectly and The Penguin fell for it. She announced, tiling her
head back in a show of supremacy. She suddenly grabbed the mans
shirt and said in a harsh low voice Think of it, Zeke. The closer
we get to the bird-man, She pushed Zeke away and stood on the long
wooden table. The closer we get to controlling all of Gothams
Super-criminals! And once we get the entire Underworld under my
command, no one will stop me from ruling as Queen!

But
we could do that without
the bird. The youngest member, barely a teenager, said.

BART!
Zeke snapped.

Im
just sayin itd be easier without the fat ass to drag us down,
Scar… Bart shrugged

Yes,
It would
be easier… Scarlet smiled. But it wouldnt be as fun…